DOUBLE PROBLEM – A TEEN & AN ADOPTED ONE!
I still couldn’t believe the way, I handle my child, after I had attended the Teen Mind workshop.
We come from a relatively underdeveloped district. We have only one son, adopted at an early age, now doing his 11th grade. Things were fine, until he came to his adolescent age. As the days passed, we found it harder and harder to handle his emotions and mood swings.
It is usually tough to handle teens. Our problem was two fold, given the fact that, he was not our biological child. Though not explicitly shown, we were able to sense his insecurities and pain that was expressed as anger, depression, rage and disobedience.
When we came to know about Flying Elephants, we first sent our son to the program. He liked the program and we could see some positive progress in few areas of his personality. Yet we felt powerless many a times, when he did not want to cooperate with the school authorities or us.
Then as a couple, we attended the Teen Mind – Parenting workshop from MindFresh to learn in depth about the teen mind and behaviour and how to be compassionate yet firm with our beloved son. The workshop gave me clarity about where I need to switch roles to be an effective parent.
NOT A STRICT BUT A FIRM APPROACH!
For instance, one day, after my son was watching TV and we asked him to study, but he didn’t. This continued for many days and we agreed mutually that if this continues, we need to disconnect the cable. And like many kids, he wanted to test our firmness, in keeping our word. The threat became real and we disconnected the TV. My wife and I adjusted to the new style of living – without TV. He complained so much about his school and started being irregular to school. We tried to get him go to school, he refused and also said that he will not go to that school again and we need to get the TC. I don’t know how I would have reacted earlier, this time I did something different. The next day, I went to the school and got TC for him and gave it to him.
He clearly did not expect this kind of a behaviour from me. He was only waiting for a drama, where we coax him to go to school, give him advice, ask our relatives to speak with him etc., etc., He stayed at home for 10 days, without TV without any big task at hand. He couldn’t go out and play with his friends, as they had gone to school and had their work to do.
BE SUPPORTIVE NOT PROTECTIVE!
After a few more days, he came to me and asked me to get him admitted in another school. I did not again create a drama or blame him for his situation, I said okay, and started hunting for an admission in school. It was a mid-year admission and especially in 11th grade, and we were turned down at least in 5 schools. I took him along with me to all these schools and he realised how difficult it was to get an admission and how easy it was to get the TC from the earlier school.
Finally, one school admitted him and at that time he was really grateful that he got into a school. These days, he has become so responsible that my wife or I needn’t have to force him to write home works or prepare for his exams.
The words of Kirtanya still rings in my ears – “Let teens face the consequences of their own choices. Be supportive but not over-protective!”
Thanks to Kirtanya and MindFresh Team.